Ulver, if you are unfamiliar with their works, are a Black Metal outfit hailing from Norway and lead by the well known 
“Garm” (who you may also know from Arcturus and Borknagar). Their early releases, in particular Nattens Madrigal and 
Bergtatt are praised for being amazing atmospheric, sorrowful masterpieces. I am not one who shares this view, but I am not 
exactly an Ulver fanboy. However, I am willing to give anything a chance.

I wrote this review in two parts, the first bit on Friday (2 days ago) and the second, well obviously now (Sunday 26th June). 
Originally I opened with the following sentence “Welcome to the most disappointing album of 2005…. And I don’t even like 
Ulver,” which shamefully I now have to retract, as it was a little premature to the disaster I was to unfold this morning 
(more on that in the Opeth – Ghost Reveries preview, review). But anyway, back to Ulver.

When the first track kicked off, I gave it 3 or 4 minutes before announcing to the world “this is the least metal song I 
have ever heard”. It embodies nothing metal, or interesting. In fact, it is dull, electronic crap. It has irritating sounds 
bouncing about in the background – somewhat reminiscent of the noise you hear in a clown house. Perhaps I was misinformed or 
based my expectations on false pretense, but this is not Black Metal – it is purely electronica. I just don’t understand how 
people can enjoy this repetitive, dry, lifeless music. I can understand how that can seem a little ironic from someone who 
listens to all forms of extreme metal, but this is just artsy faggotry, or ‘art for art’s sake’.

The second track, if it is possible, sucks even more. It is shit. It sounds like some lame, cheap porn movie theme, without 
the shmoozing bass noise. The whole time I keep thinking, this is Mike Patton without any conviction or fun, which is what 
made him enjoyable. A more experimental Tomahawk? Or, would you prefer to call it a flaccid and dull version of Mr. Bungle? 
Choose your description, you end up with the same lifeless wasted album with no funk or attitude (let alone aggression or 
amazing riffs).

Across the rest of the album, you have dabs of tinkling triangles; wussy, boring vocals and uninspiring cosmic keyboard 
patterns. “Your Call” has a telephone ringing away in the background for the whole 6 minutes and the song “It is not Sound” 
even ends with a synthesized classical symphony rip-off (something by Beethoven I think) that, if you ever listen to, will 
hear for yourselves. The only track I found even mildly enjoyable was “Operator” which is the most buoyant song of all on 
this otherwise mediocre album. Tracks throughout Blood Inside are nothing more than rehashed electronic noises, which are 
irritating to no end.

I realize throughout the review, I haven’t really given much of a description of the sound, so I will give a somewhat 
abridged version of what I have heard (excluding all the negative thoughts.) The electronic sounds are very soft and 
constantly resonate throughout the album giving it a relaxed feel. That’s for the most part. There are also some bright 
trumpet / bugle accompaniments (which I assume are added electronically) and a lot of eerie sounds playing off between each 
other, often in the form of a teasing hum. It almost sounds like the theme music to a Walt Disney cartoon like Fantasia (a 
movie I really fucking hated) in the way notes would trickle up and down scales, bouncing all over the place as if to depict
cartoon characters dancing and moving about in formation. That’s about all I took from the album
.
However, with Blood Inside, I think the message is loud and clear here, Ulver sucks.